The Grief We Don’t Talk About (And How Community & Ritual Help Us Heal)
When we hear “grief,” we often think of a loss of a loved one. But grief has many doorways. We can grieve the ending of relationships, jobs, or experiences we’ve loved. Sometimes we grieve places, identities, and versions of ourselves. We grieve choices we made, or didn’t make, the health or youth we once enjoyed. We grieve things that happened that shouldn’t have, we grieve the absence of things that should have happened but didn’t. We grieve for ourselves, for others, for the earth, and the state of the world. These quieter forms of grief often go unacknowledged, leaving us feeling isolated or confused.
The truth is, grief touches everyone who feels and everyone who loves.
Hidden (and Common) Sources of Grief
Disenfranchised grief: grief that isn’t recognized or validated by others - losses around divorce, the end of a friendship, a stigmatized death, loss of a pet, or identity shifts. When society doesn’t “sanction” your mourning, people often feel isolated or even ashamed of their pain.
Ambiguous grief: when there’s no closure and uncertainty makes grief unclear - like a loved one who is missing, dementia that alters a person while they’re still alive, or immigration that separates families.
Anticipatory grief: the feeling of grief occurring before an upcoming loss (usually refers to the loss of a loved one but can occur elsewhere such as surgery, post-medical diagnosis, retirement, empty nest, moving parents to care, etc.)
Non-death losses: illness, job loss, relocation, divorce, becoming a caregiver, or major identity transitions
Ecological or world grief: sorrow for damaged places, disappearing species, or climate-driven changes to the land you love.
When these “hidden” experiences aren’t named or supported, people can feel “stuck”—not because they’re doing grief wrong, but because our culture rarely recognizes these losses, leaving mourners without witnesses or rituals.
How Rituals Help the Brain (and Heart)
Rituals aren’t magic, they help us process what the mind cannot reason its way through. They give structure to the formless, layered and complex world of grief. When so much of grief feels wild and raw, rituals help us give a sense of shape and expression to our experience. Being able to “do something” can be powerfully healing and restorative when navigating vulnerable emotions and experiences.
Rituals use symbols, gestures, words to help us express the deeper parts of us that are often challenging to find words for. The mind understands logic; the soul understands metaphor. Rituals transform grief from something we endure alone into something shared and meaningful. They give us a way to move energy, to make visible what has been lost, and to honor what still lives within us.
“In the absence of this depth of community, the safe container is difficult to find. By default, we become the container ourselves, and when this happens, we cannot drop into the well of grief in which we can fully let go of the sorrows we carry. We recycle our grief, moving into it and then pulling it back into our bodies unreleased. . . . Subconsciously, we are awaiting the presence of others, before we can feel safe enough to drop to our knees on the holy ground of sorrow.” – Frances Weller, psychotherapist and author of The Wild Edge of Sorrow
By honouring what we’ve lost, we make room for what wants to grow. Through ritual, community, attention and care, grief becomes a way of staying connected to ourselves, our hearts, our common humanity and to what we love most.
The Wildness of Grief
Grief doesn’t follow a script, and it doesn’t look the same for everyone. Some people cry easily; others feel numb, others busy themselves with work or caretaking. For some, grief is loud and visible; for others, it’s quiet and private. It can arrive with anger, guilt, relief, confusion, gratitude, or even laughter. These mixed emotions aren’t signs that you’re grieving “wrong”—they’re signs of being human.
Many people are surprised to find that grief can also bring tenderness, appreciation, and even joy—because remembering what we’ve loved reawakens love itself. Grief, in its fullness, contains both pain and beauty; it’s the evidence of how deeply we’ve cared, felt and loved.
Beneath every loss is something we hold dear. Grief pulls us back toward what’s essential, asking: What do I want to carry forward? When we meet grief with compassion and patience instead of resistance, it becomes a bridge back to our humanity, not a barrier to joy.
Things you can do for yourself when you’re grieving:
amp up self-care by making sure you get enough sleep, fresh air, movement (even stretching or short walks if exercise isn’t manageable) and eat regular meals
balance time alone with time with social support of trusted friends, community or a therapist
create a change in your home as an acknowledgement of your loss or change - like a photograph, altar, or other decorative change that feels meaningful to you
attend a communal ritual or create one to do alone or with someone to support you
use mindfulness or somatic tools that help support nervous system regulation and a felt sense of safety
give yourself time and permission to engage in hobbies or other enjoyable activities and events – breaks are important and restore our resources
A Note on Complex Grief
If you’re experiencing persistent, intense distress that interferes with daily life, or symptoms that feel unmanageable, please seek care from a licensed mental-health professional.